commanderforehead | continued from bakerstreet due to captcha

[Ryan moves his leg a bit - very gently nudging against Akmazian's head. He's mostly keeping the straight face.]

You don't seem to mind that much normally.

Well, I mean... it's different if you're in a cloak.

[ akmazian will just shift enough so that he can recline his head on top of his leg. ]

Because they can't see my face.

[Okay, yep, that just happened. Ryan just kinda... leaves his leg there then. Since it's now been requisitioned as a pillow?]

They just see the very obvious cloak and take notice of the fact that it also hides your face which is in no way suspicious?

Yeah, but people in a cloak can be suspicious for a million different reasons. No one's gonna see my face on a vidfeed and go, "I bet that was the guy in the cloak."

[ hey, score. he just shuts his eyes, pleased that ryan isn't trying to ... shove him off. it's nice. strangely intimate, at least for the two of them. ]

[It's definitely not bad.

One step at a time.]

I would think that. Every time I see a cloak now, actually. I just pause and admire the sheer idiocy of it and wonder if that means it's you.

[ he actually laughs out loud at that, turning his cheek to press it briefly against ryan's leg. he's lingering way more than he in good conscience should, but once you start invading ryan's space, it's hard to want to stop. ]

You know, you're gonna really hurt my feelings someday.

[The movement catches Ryan at an unexpectedly ticklish spot, and his carefully held control drops in favor of letting out a breathless laugh, himself.]

And here I was sure you'd choose to focus on the part where that implies I'm thinking about you. You're really bad at this not challenging assumptions thing.

Mmhmm. Maybe I just don't wanna hear you deny that you think about me.

[ that little laugh makes him grin, though, and he looks lazily back up at him. he's possibly been emboldened here, but he doesn't really care; he's reaching up, idly brushing his fingertips against the side of his jawline. ]

You're awful pretty, doc. You been told that lately?

[He really needs to back this up, to put some distance here and at least politely demure Akmazian away. Ryan is just as much of a hot mess as he was an hour ago, when he was too worried about messing things up to want to take more than one little step at a time.

But he holds still when Akmazian reaches for him, doesn't pull away when Akmazian touches his face. Ryan's mind goes back to the vacation he took before, the fling he had while there if only to find out if he minded as much as he thought he did, if he could want that kind of thing. All signs have pointed to yes since then, and at the back of his mind he was always thinking of someone else.

Ryan shrugs as he looks down at Akmazian laying against his leg, not enough to dislodge Akmazian unless the spy is looking for an excuse.]

I think everyone likes to hear that they're pretty.

Mmm. That's not really what I asked, but alright.

[ he could really stand to kiss him right now, he thinks. that would be pretty nice. there's no better way to show his appreciation for all of the work ryan is doing than a nice big smooch, right? -- except that's a purely self-involved thought, and he's more than aware of it.

it's not going to stop him from daydreaming about it, though.

wordlessly, he slips his hand a little further up, actually holding the side of his face. briefly, the pad of his thumb strokes across ryan's bottom lip, before he hums to himself and reluctantly lets him go, finally sitting back up. ]

I'll get dressed. Better get movin' if we want to get anything done tonight.

[Ryan continues to stay still as Akmazian's hand moves across his jaw, up to his cheek. Every point of contact feels like it must be searing a mark into him, that everyone would only have to take one look at his face to see where Akmazian touched him. His lips part just slightly at the touch of Akmazian's thumb to the bottom one. It would be the easiest thing in the world to just lean in and-

And Akmazian is sitting up. Blood rushes back in to Ryan's leg in a way that is not a metaphor, it had fallen asleep with Akmazian resting his head there. The pins and needles feeling pulls him further from the moment still.

They really didn't come here to enter into some torrid pulp romance novel situation. There's a mission, a conspiracy to possibly uncover.]

Right. Yes. I'll get my shoes on.

[He cannot get off that bed fast enough so that he can focus on getting his boots on and carefully not look at Akmazian getting dressed. Hi my name is Ryan and I'm an addict...]

[ this is too much. maybe they shouldn't be allowed on trips like this unsupervised: things would be a lot easier to rein in if levi or jane were both here to utterly spoil the mood every time it started to heat up.

no, instead, his heart is beating in his throat like he's a hormonal teenage boy instead of a grown-ass universally feared alleged terrorist, and he sighs a little at himself as he wanders back into the bathroom to pull his clothes on.

more than anything, he wants to lie down, to get some real sleep, to snuggle his face into the back of ryan's back and just sort of exist like that for a while.

he snags his boots as he heads to the hallway door on his way from the bathroom. god, he might as well defuse this while it's still possible to. he shoots ryan a crooked grin, flashing his eyebrows as if telling the punchline of some longwinded joke. ]

You're a champ for indulging me, doctor Dalias.

[Ryan is thinking the same thing as Akmazian - mainly that those two narcissists have a unique talent for ruining any mood for better or for worse. A talent he could really use right now. Even if the tension dissipates for a little while, each new surge of it seems to be much stronger than the last. It feels awfully close to something terminal already, and they still haven't even really started the recon mission yet.

He finishes shoving anything he might need and can easily carry into his pockets when he looks up at Akmazian's speaking. There's Akmazian the smuggler, Akmazian resident of the cargo bay, Akmazian the alleged terrorist. Ryan's mind keeps rewinding to his relaxed sleeping face, to his hand on Ryan's face.]

Oh. Uh, sure? I mean - I could say the same.

Shh.

[ akmazian drops his voice, then, reaching up to press his index finger against his own lips. like he's telling a secret. ]

I'm giving you an out here, Ryan. You should probably take it.

[Ryan looks down and away, brows furrowing. He grabs the key from where he left them on the desk when he returned, don't want to get locked out and find that out at 0200 hours local time.

Then it's Ryan's turn to get up into Akmazian's personal space, a mimic of what Akmazian did when he whispered that belatedly he realized he could have said brothers. Ryan being shorter means it doesn't have quite the same effect, but he hopes he gets the point across.]

I'm aware of that.

[He reaches past Akmazian to the door.]

Let's go, before we get too tired and pass out on the way back.

[ oh, this is bad. this is so bad. this is extra-strength, crazy levels of megabad, and akmazian inhales through his nose, unmoving when ryan goes for the door.

instead, he just steps back, leaning his shoulders against it. ]

Maybe we should go in the morning.

[Yeah, in a lifetime of bad decisions... well, this one only ranks in the top 10 if we only count sober bad decisions. He pulls his hand back from the door, but doesn't really step back or get out of Akmazian's personal space bubble.]

Oh, well, if you think that would be safer... no need to put ourselves in danger over possibly nothing, right?

Yeah.

[ akmazian chuckles and shakes his head, apparently amused at ryan's "excuse," before he toes his boots back off. he, too, is not moving from the door. ]

Maybe we should turn in early.

[ he can't believe this is working. ]

[Ryan was not thinking of an excuse right then, he was thinking of just agreeing.

Ryan's really good at denying himself things he wants. He spent fifteen years getting good at it. It's also easy-ish on Eos 10, he's got a good example to set for Doctor Urvidian. He has to consider that the aforementioned two narcissists will never let him hear the end of anything embarrassing he gets up to (see: penis almost exploding).

None of them are here, though. It's just Ryan and Akmazian and their feelings and a mission that's not all that pressing as its a long shot to be relevant anyway.]

You did seem pretty tired before. I'm guessing you aren't getting enough sleep, you should definitely do that before you go into any potentially dangerous situations.

[The logical and sensible voice telling Ryan to back off and pull back is getting quieter and quieter. He does manage to take a few steps back from Akmazian, but only so that when he pulls his own shirt back off he doesn't smack Akmazian in the face with an elbow or something.]

Yeah. ... sleep is good. Important stuff.

[ he's going to behave, he tells himself. no funny business. there's way too much at stake here to risk souring his relationship with ryan entirely, and not all of it has to do with exposing this alliance conspiracy: he really doesn't want to lose his occasional company.

this time, he doesn't bother trying to hide the fact that he's watching ryan as he pulls his shirt off, gaze intense, before he twists to do the same himself. he tosses the garment onto the floor, before simply leaning over to flick the lightswitch off. the lamp on the bedside table illuminates the room enough to let them navigate over, at least, and that's what he does. ]

[Ryan makes some attempt to hide the way he is deeply interested in Akmazian's partial undressing, but he's very unpracticed, enough so that outright staring might have even been less obvious.

Context is everything, he saw Akmazian shirtless moments ago. It shouldn't be any different but it is, especially when he turns off the overhead light to leave them in the dim, warm glow of the bedside table lamp. The now intimate lighting accents the hard lines of his shoulders, his face.

Ryan empties his pockets again, squeezes his eyes shut and mentally repeats the affirmations he learned in rehab.

If there was a chair that wasn't the hardwood desk kind, if there was even enough space on the floor to allow for it then sleeping somewhere other than the bed would be a possibility. Ryan's pretty sure the last time he shared a bed with someone he wasn't intimate was when he was eight.

He shimmies his pants down his hips leaving himself in underwear to sleep in - it isn't like Akmazian hasn't seen more than that, more of Ryan even in particular, but anything else would definitely be crossing some kind of hazy line and they have too few of those left.

He needs to... to do something to explain himself maybe, establish some kind of boundary before getting under the covers.]

Akmazian?

[What, exactly, he's going to say he has absolutely no idea. Winging it has done okay for Ryan in the past, fingers crossed that he'll be able to think of something again.]

Doctor Dalias?

[ and akmazian is - strangely nervous. for all of his big talk, his posturing, his - well, actual being a dangerous black-market smuggler even if he isn't a destroyer of stars - he's still kind of just "a guy" at the end of the day. he's a guy that doesn't tend to get close to people, just because he can't.

except now he sort of has, and it isn't even about sex. what the fuck is wrong with him.

he keeps his own pants on as he pulls the sheets back and climbs into bed, doing his very best to seem exceedingly casual about this. like this isn't a huge, unspoken step for - whatever they are. if they are anything. god, he hadn't even been sure that ryan had been picking up on his ... feelings? his whatever they were.

why are definitions so hard. ]

[Ryan is very much wishing that he hadn’t taken off his pants first but he’s not getting in that bed feeling like he does right now and well he didn’t realize how dire the situation was until said pants were removed. So. So that is why he is standing in just his underwear in a hotel room on a backwater planet with a wanted man in bed, that Ryan is about to join.

He takes a breath, crossing his arms across his chest, trying not to project how awkward he feels. Okay, Ryan Dalias, you were the one who decided to wing it. Time to wing it.]

I need to - I really need to say something, and I’m not really sure what words I need to do it. So… I’m just going to try to work my way through it and it’s mostly going to be word vomit but I promise I have a point and I just need you to let me get to it, okay?

[This is your last chance to back out or change the subject before a Ryan Dalias Hero Speech (™), Akmazian.]

[ he wants to let ryan talk. he really wants to let ryan talk. just like it's been said ad nauseum: he is crazy fond of ryan dalias, knows that 'letting him talk' is pretty much the least of what he owes him. but he also has a mild feeling of dread here, like he knows that the situation between them will be irrevocably changed by the time that he makes it to whatever point he's winding to.

so he take a breath. ]

Could you just - lie down first? Give me five minutes?

[ just give him five minutes to pretend, you know, like this is all normal and okay and not some ridiculous fucking situation he has found himself in again. ]

[Ryan was expecting probably a shut down, or a quip that would get his blood boiling maybe, but the gentle request has the wind knocked out of his sails so to speak. He did in fact have every intention of making the Ryan Dalias Hero Speech (™) standing right there in his underwear, absolutely not in bed with Akmazian, but much like Akmazian feels like he owes Ryan to hear him, Ryan feels like he owes Akmazian to assent to that request.

So, he looks to Akmazian, gives a hesitant nod, then uncrosses his arms and goes to the other side of the bed. As long as he doesn’t overthink it, the pulling back the covers on the other side, of sliding under them next to Akmazian, it won’t be a problem.

It is so tempting to ignore it, to pass it off as nothing he needed to say at all. He committed to this awful wrong decision though and he’s going to see it through. He turns to his side so that he can face Akmazian, even if he’s not doing the best with the whole ‘eye contact’ thing right now.]

Just, uh. Just tell me when, okay?

[... But he can lay in bed next to Akmazian until then. Even with all the tension boiling under the surface of his skin, it’s an oddly relaxing act.]

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